December 15, 2004
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> Face Your Risks, Now

> Top 5 Sources of Energy Drain

> Tell Them About It

> Irreverant Quotes

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-- country saying

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Outside the Box

Irreverent Quotes

These might lighten up your day

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall."

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen .I have since been visited by her sister ... and now wish to withdraw
that statement.

~Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and have the two as close together as possible.

~George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year.

~Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

~Mark Twain
(Editors note: especially true today with the Internet)

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce.

~Mark Twain

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

~Les Dawson

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

~Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

~Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.

~Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.

~Jilly Cooper

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

~Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

~Alex Levine

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

~Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

~Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

~Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

~Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

~Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.

~Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

~Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

~Bob Hope

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

~George Burns

We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~Unknown

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will avoid you.

~Unknown

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But ....everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~Unknown

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is
that you are not a hypochondriac.

~Unknown

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.

~Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~Unknown

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